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managing a household of 10 by the grace of God

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Faith

We are Placemakers

March 1, 2019 by mamakay Leave a Comment

placemaker

What is placemaking? It is deliberately sending your roots deep into a place, like a tree. It means allowing yourself to be nourished by a place even as you shape it for the better.

This is a book about my longing for peace and my instinct that peace and place are indistinguishable. But it is also a book about God’s longing, a longing that weaves in and out and through the whole story the Bible tells. God longs for the place he has chosen as a dwelling for his Name.

Placemaker by Christie Purifoy

I was blessed by being included in the launch team for Christie Purifoy’s new book, Placemaker: Cultivating Places of Comfort, Beauty, and Peace.

I feel so much connection to Christie. Both of us were an English Lit majors. We have moved a few times looking for a place to put down roots and have found ourselves in an old farmhouse that requires so much work to keep (although not as beautiful as hers). We have found ourselves in a wilderness season where so much of what we thought was our path turned out not to be so. All along the way trees have anchored me and connected me to the place we were.

Our First House and Australian Bottle Tree

The first tree we chose at our first house was an Australian Bottle Tree. It is a fast growing evergreen tree that flourishes in Arizona. We lived in that home for 5 years and started our family there. It had a tiny yard but big vaulted ceilings. The house was a new build and it was so fun getting to pick out the carpet and counter top. It was a beautiful home and we began our journey of being placemakers. But it was a long commute to my husband’s job and so we decided it was time to move on.

  • Phoenix House
  • Our Citrus Grove
  • Palm Tree

Our next house was a beautiful home. In fact to this day I wish I could have just picked that house up and transported it with us to Montana. Our neighborhood was lined with Elm trees. We planted 3 citrus trees our first year as placemakers there: an orange, a tangelo and a lemon tree. The orange tree didn’t make it but the other two thrived and we got to enjoy fresh citrus for several years.

A funny story: Do you see that huge palm tree growing in the backyard? A palm frond blew into our yard one day and our oldest daughter decided to plant it! Lo and behold it took root and grew into that tree!

We lived in that house for 8 years. Although we loved the house itself we never felt at peace there. We tried to sell it for years to no avail. A dream grew in our hearts for a homestead. A place where we could work together as a family to raise good, healthy food. A place where our children could play outside. A place that wasn’t so hot or so full of people. And then God did a miracle in our lives. One day we received a phone call from our old realtor. He wondered, “Are you still interested in selling your house? I have someone who is interested in buying it.” And so just like that we were released from that house and decided to pursue our dream of moving to Montana.

Our Tiny Rental House

Many of us long to put down roots in some particular place, but we guard ourselves against heartbreak by waiting for a perfect place.

In the wilderness, we are given the opportunity to lay down the burden of our desire to make or remake so that when some other place invites our participation and our creative efforts, we are ready to offer those things with humility

Placemaker by Christie Purifoy

That was the rental house for us! It was tiny! 1200 square feet housing 8 people. Our front room served as the dining room, school room, library, and sitting area. We knew this was a temporary place but we were there longer than we expected. Finding our place in Montana was much harder than we thought it would be. But we found freedom in our wilderness and continued to be placemakers. We got to experience seasons for the first time as a family and we loved it! We got to experience small town life with neighbors to talk to and kids to play with and a park close by. The older kids could ride their bikes to the library without fear. Such a difference from Arizona.

Our Montana Home

Sometimes, placemakers make new. Build fresh. Start from scratch. But most of the time, they repair. They restore. They protect. Sometimes, placemaking is nothing more than the refusal to unmake.

After much searching we found our home in the country. Instead of the brand new houses we had lived in before we have a crazy old house originally built in 1949 with several additions over the years. But it came with old trees including a giant Cottonwood, a pine tree, a mature apple tree and several plum trees. This was a place we could put our roots down (and several of our children have told us we can never move).

Our Cottonwood in it’s full fall glory

An orchard is not a forest, though. Most forests arise naturally over time, but an orchard is a collaboration — an intentional partnership between us and the creator-God in whose image we are made….We do not make the trees, but we make a place for them. Like the God to whom we belong, we are placemakers.

Placemaker by Christie Purifoy

One of best things we did to be placemakers our first year at this place was to plant an orchard. We planted four kinds of apples, 2 pear trees and a cherry tree. A tree for each child plus an extra one. We have been here for 9 years now and are starting to enjoy the fruits of our labors. Each year we can jars upon jars of applesauce, apple butter and apple slices almost every fall that we enjoy all year long. We are starting to get enough cherries for a couple of pies every summer. Maybe next year the pears will be bountiful. Every fruit we get to enjoy is such a gift. We never know what will come. But God is gracious.

Our Orchard

Our life here hasn’t been all that we had hoped for. We have stumbled and fallen. But we have gotten back up. We have been refined (and continue to be). Life is messy. But God is at work and I pray that we are collaborating with him to cultivate this place for his glory, whatever that looks like.

I want to be a placemaker, how about you?

MamaKay

Filed Under: Books, Faith, Homemaking

Day 3 of Books: Bible Time

October 3, 2018 by mamakay Leave a Comment

Of all the reading I do it is most important for me to read my Bible so I try to start my day there. Some days I get to read more, some days less but God meets me whatever season I am in. There are a few different ways I use to keep me in the word on a daily basis.

My favorite way lately is using my Write the Word Journal from Cultivate What Matters. It has nice thick pages with gold foil lettering. It provides space for the date, something you are grateful for, a scripture reference to copy each day, an On My Heart section and finally a spot to pick a word for the day. Throughout the years I have found that writing scripture really helps me to focus on what I am ready and respond to it. I have often just used a notebook. Sometimes it is easy to get trapped in having to have everything perfect to begin but God again and again will meet you where ever you are.

I also LOVE She Reads Truth. I started using their app a couple of years ago. (You can buy the separate studies for $1.99 each or subscribe to the app for $1.99/month and have access to all of their studies.) After a while I subscribed to get their beautiful books. I prefer the feel of a real book sometimes plus it helps me to stay off of my phone.

I have also used the YouVersion app for many years. They have tons of Bible studies and different versions of the Bible you can study from.

I want God’s words to be firmly planted in my heart as I walk into my days so that I can reflect Him and have something firm to hold on to when there are words coming from so many directions. I need help to discern what is true, beautiful and good.

How do you make sure you get time in the Word every day?

MamaKay

Filed Under: Books, Faith Tagged With: Bible, Books, she reads truth, write31days

Music – Sowing Seeds

January 23, 2018 by mamakay Leave a Comment

Ah, music. It moves us, strengthens us, entertains us, makes us feel connected. In this day and age it is so easy to access so many different kinds of music. I love almost every kind of music there is! I probably have created at least 100 different playlists for different seasons, parts of my day, different activities and individuals in our family. I love hearing about a new to me artist and discovering that I am not the only who feels they way I do. It is such an important part of the atmosphere of our home.

Some friends and I were discussing how quickly our children pick up lyrics to the songs they hear in their day and how important it is to make sure that the seeds that are sown in their minds will reap benefits in years to come. It is amazing how songs can link you to specific times in your life and how they can effect your mood and the focus of your mind. People with Alzheimer’s can hear a hymn from their youth and be pulled in and sing with perfect clarity.

Over the years we have tried to plant songs with Biblical lyrics into the hearts of our children (and us too!) in an effort to provide strong ties.

These are our favorites:

Steve Green, Hide ‘Em in Your Heart

Seeds Family Worship has so many great albums. Here are a few of our favorites:

Seeds of Courage

Seeds of Faith

The Word of God

I also have created multiple playlists that include our favorite hymns.

I love using Amazon Music (Try Amazon Music Unlimited Free Trial) to get all of my music now! I don’t have to worry about CDs getting lost, scratched or broken and we can listen to the songs on any of our devices.

My hope is that as my children go through their lives God’s Word will come back to them time and time again through the lyrics they heard growing up. I cling to the scripture in Isaiah 55: 10-11:

For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.

I challenge you to use music to sow seeds of faith in your children. And if you already do, I would love to hear about your favorite musicians and albums!

MamaKay

*The links in this post are affiliate links. If you purchase through these links I will receive a small commission that helps me maintain this website. Thanks!

Filed Under: Faith

What I Learned this Fall

November 30, 2017 by mamakay 1 Comment

I’ve been following Emily P. Freeman (especially her podcast: The Next Right Thing) and she encouraged us to reflect on a season instead of waiting until the end of the year. I found it very helpful this summer so I’m back for the fall edition. Go to : http://emilypfreeman.com/wwl-fall-2017/ to see her post.

  1. I learned that personal retreats are a wonderful and needful thing for me. I wrote about it here.
  2. Loss although painful can bring healing and a closeness to God and to others that just doesn’t seem to happen when all is well.
  3. I learned that it is time to let go of the idol having more children. It would seem that eight is enough for us. I love my family and I adore little babies but at 43 the time has come to be done with that phase of my life.
  4. I love candles! For so many years I have hesitated to use them because I have so many little ones around but no more! I found some cute unscented candles on Amazon that I can use on the mantel and for entertaining.
  5. I like to start groups! I sat in the background feeling sad that I didn’t have ways to have meaningful connections with others. This year I have made great efforts to start groups: an IF:Table group for ladies, a women’s Bible study and most recently a Supper Club for couples (so the men could participate too). It has been so worth it to invest in these groups of people and move beyond surface conversations through intentional questions.
  6. I love decorating my mantel! I needed a place of beauty instead of a collecting spot for all the stuff people didn’t want the toddler to get, so I reclaimed it! I intend to decorate it seasonally and preserve it as a place of beauty in our home.
  7. Setting up a special bullet journal for the holidays is so helpful! Last year I had a separate journal but I used a small one. This year I got the idea from Aimee Kollmansberger to create a bullet journal to use for years to come to collect all the ideas and lists instead of recreating everything every year.
  8. Gratitude really is my lifeline. I never stay very consistent at journaling my lists but I find that when I do it really grounds me and it is so wonderful to be able to read back through my lists from the last several years.
  9. Spotify is actually pretty cool! I’ve put off using it for several years now but after several recommendations from my eldest daughter I gave it a try. I love my music on Amazon but it is such a nice way to be able to share music with others and to hear new music.
  10. “Being a mom is a lot like being a life coach,” my 10 year old daughter told me as we were taking a walk. I’ve been pondering this ever since. I think she is right and it is such a perspective change for me.

How about you? What have you learned this fall? I’d love to hear from you!

MamaKay

Filed Under: Faith, general thoughts, self-care

Life and Loss

November 6, 2017 by mamakay 5 Comments

*Content Warning: This post contains a personal description of a miscarriage

I sit here looking out the window on this cold snowy day thankful for the quietness the snow brings and the warmth from my fireplace. I’m feeling a little better than the last few days but when I try to push to hard my body tells me in no uncertain terms that I am not ready to move on quite yet. You see, I just lost a baby over the weekend. I want to just hide and close in but I sense that God is telling me that only through pushing past the hurt and sharing my pain can I truly be healed and he can use me to comfort others. I think it is so hard to let others into our pain. I feel so vulnerable. But when I don’t I feel so isolated and find myself spiraling in despair. It is only within true community that we allow ourselves to be cared for and the healing comes so much quicker.

This isn’t my first time. In fact, it is my third. I have hid in my grief and I have shared my grief. And I’m here to tell you that although it is ever so hard when I have shared my grief the load has been lightened. Both physically with people offering what assistance they can and emotionally being able to be prayed for and uplifted by others and as well as just the tenderness of a hug and extra kindness extended.

It’s so odd to me as I process this pregnancy. I was hesitant to share our joy of a new baby for fear of what people would say. I’m over 40 now and we already have 8 children and people have so many opinions about such things. Honestly, we thought we were done. I am getting older and this was the longest we had ever gone without getting pregnant. It was quite an adjustment of my thinking to add another one to our family when our oldest turns 19 this month. But we have always trusted that God knows what our family should look like and have faith that as the Creator of all life we are willing to follow what he has in store for us. We told very few people that we were expecting.

And then after just getting cleared by the doctor the night before to go ahead and use a midwife again I started bleeding Friday morning.  It was just a little bit but I knew this was a sign of the end. We were 9 weeks along. I was emotionally wrecked. I pretty much spent the entire day crying on and off and told only my husband and my sisters what was going on. My husband was kind enough to take the afternoon off of work so he could attend to the kids while I holed myself up in my room.  He was also such an encouragement to me and held me and cried with me as he was suffering the loss as well. My two year old sweetly hugged me again and again and asked me why I was crying? I tried to check out, reading some fiction to take me to another world. I prayed. I listened to Christy Nockel’s new album, Be Held and ate ice cream and too much Turtle Chex. I was so sad.

On Saturday the emotional pain was less but the physical pain increased. I was bleeding more including small pieces of tissue and had cramps like a bad period. I spent most of the day in bed watching tv with the kids and reading my book. I reached out to a couple more people and a sweet lady from church brought us dinner and some flowers for me.

I woke up early Sunday morning (especially early since time changed over night) with the beginnings of contractions. My husband went to church to teach Bible class and the kids were all home with me sick with sore throats and coughs (because that’s life in a big family this time of year). Thankfully they were content to watch tv.

The contractions intensified just as they do in labor only they aren’t as strong as when I’ve been in labor. Around 10 am I passed the baby and the placenta. The baby was too little and I couldn’t see it among the tissues. I got a hold of my midwife and she told me to watch for a fever and also if I bled enough to fill 2 pads in 30 minutes to get to the emergency room immediately. The bleeding lessened as the day progressed and I haven’t had any complications. The emotions washed over me anew. My husband came right home and held me and I just cried and cried.

During the course of the day I shared my grief with many of those closest to us. They were sweet, provided meals for us, prayed for us and just acknowledged our grief. There really isn’t much that can be done. Just being there for someone means so much. Letting them know they are loved and that its ok to grieve and that someone cares means the world. (And food is always nice especially when there are others in the house that still like to eat even if Mom isn’t feeling up to cooking.)

By evening I felt more like myself and was able to eat dinner with the family and get a shower. I was worn out and was asleep before 9 pm. (Which was good since my little guys needed me in the wee hours. The world doesn’t stop needing us Mamas.)

I plan to take it easy this week and ease back into our normal routines just like I would after having a baby only a little faster. I know that waves of grief will hit me unexpectedly and that it will take a couple of weeks for my body to heal and longer than that for my heart. But healing will come. God is ever so present in the pain and I can feel his presence as He walks through this with me never leaving me alone in the pain. I process through writing and I want you to know that although it hurts, healing does come. It comes in waves, little by little, it changes until the pain is dulled and the thoughts of what may have been give way to what is and although this little life was short it will always be remembered.

We all have trials we must face but let’s share our burdens with one another that the love of Christ can be felt by those around us. I have shared my experience in such detail so that others might know what to expect or might have a little better understanding of what it is like.

These were my experiences, yours will be different. I pray that by sharing we both will feel less alone and will have the strength to carry on come what may.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

 

MamaKay

Filed Under: babies, Faith, self-care

Observing Lent

March 1, 2017 by mamakay Leave a Comment

Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean;
    remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes;
cease to do evil,
    learn to do good;
seek justice,
    correct oppression;
bring justice to the fatherless,
    plead the widow’s cause.

 “Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord:
though your sins are like scarlet,
    they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red like crimson,
    they shall become like wool.

Isaiah 1:16-18

I did not grow up in a church that observed Lent or really any holidays.  We did celebrate Christmas and Easter as a family but without any connections to any religious significance.  As my husband and I began building our family we recognized the helpfulness of establishing traditions that draw our family to the Lord. My husband has proclaimed that we are Protestant Catholic Jews! Above all we seek to draw near to God and enjoy using as many ways as we can to do so.

Some friends invited us to a Passover Seder dinner and the depth of meaning it held for us was so significant that we immediately added it to our family’s traditions. I was then introduced to the idea of Advent was our first entrance into a liturgical practice. It blessed us in so many ways as we took our focus off of gifts and turned our hearts towards embracing Christ’s coming.

A few years ago we began observing Lent. For us it is a time to really focus on our need for our Savior. We attempt (and fail miserably) to fast from certain things turning the 40 days leading up to Easter and we try to add something that will draw us closer to God and/or bless other people. (We were very confused as to why Lent was supposed to be 40 days and yet turns out to be 46 days, evidently Sundays don’t count as fasting days!) I believe that God wants to teach us so many things and that opening ourselves intentionally during this season allows that to happen on a consistent basis.

We don’t force anyone in our family to sacrifice anything but discuss it and share ideas. It is not about legalism. However, it certainly points out our sin and inability to be good on our own and how we all need grace so desperately. In past years we have given up sugar, coffee, Facebook, candy, and complaining just to name a few. This year, I am giving up hitting the snooze button so that I can have time with God first thing in the morning with hopefully fewer interruptions.

I was so excited preparing for Lent this year that I bought two different helps. One is Put On Love Prayer Journal by Elizabeth Foss and the other is You Are Mine: A Study of Isaiah by She Reads Truth. They are both wonderful resources and I would highly recommend either (or both) of them!

I pray that you will draw near to Christ during this season and that we will all see our need for Him everyday and rejoice that has He has already paid the price for our sin and God sees us as white as snow!

MamaKay


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So glad you stopped by. I am a Christian wife and mother of 8 in the middle years. My kids are aged 4 to 20 and just about every 2 years in between. I write about our life as a big family, what God is personally doing in my life, food and books.

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